Sunday, April 10, 2011

Fucking Diets!!!

Ok, this post is inspired by some shit that got on my nerves in one of my recent classes at culinary school. Obviously people come in all shapes and sizes….

Kids that are extremely overweight make me sad... they eat what their parents give them :(

Ummm, bit on the extreme side
SEE!!
Now what gets on my nerves are people complaining about their body or weight but not doing shit about it. This goes for both overweight and underweight people… for example (and if you don’t like this then quit hatin’) I have always been thin but never had any eating disorders… just a fast metabolism… if you know me I’m usually eating constantly. Before I could leave for military boot camp I had to gain weight and was able to get to a healthier weight. I never hope to lose weight, cuz at my size that would be fucking ridiculous, and in order to gain weight I actually have to work out… gaining muscle. So, realizing I needed to gain some weight I got off my ass and started doing something about it. I go to this gym and it is wonderful… not a ton of cardio, which is perfect for me.
www.recreatefitness.com
In one of my recent classes there were a number of people talking about wanting to lose some weight and what they were doing to reach that goal. The HCG diet was brought up by a few people, saying that they had tried it and it worked out great… good for them, right!?! Well, without getting into the major details of what happens when you take HCG, it works by decreasing appetite and utilizing stored fat in the body. Curious, I asked the people in my class that had used this diet what they were doing for exercise and they all said that exercise wasn’t necessary… personally I think that is bullshit. It’s great to lose weight but at some point during the weight loss I would hope the fat would be replaced with muscle.
Anyway… for your viewing pleasure, and the real point of this post, here are some of the craziest diets out there today. Some of them are just ridiculous but others are fucking disgusting!!

The Chewing Diet

Nom Nom Nom

This diet was started by Horace Fletcher, because he believed that food was only properly absorbed by chewing each bit at least 32 times. Apparently he lost 40 pounds in 4 months. At first this sounds awesome, just chew your food 32 times and lose weight, right?... wrong, once you have chewed the prescribed number you are supposed to tilt your head back and let the food trickle down your throat, anything that is still too big to swallow you must spit out…soooo, you don’t actually get to eat all that food you worked so hard to masticate, instead you just end up with a sore jaw, spending hours on each meal and probably a case of malnutrition.


The Tapeworm Diet


Ewwwwwwww! 
(Trust me, there were a lot more disturbing pictures but I just couldn't put you guys through that)
I can’t believe that people actually think that this is a good idea… “Mmm, yes I would like to purposely ingest a parasite so I can lose a few pounds. Hopefully it doesn’t kill me!!” This ridiculous idea started in the early 1900’s and is apparently popular among horse jockeys. Having a worm in your system is said to cause nausea, headaches, infections, diarrhea… all great ways to a healthier you!! Yeah, fucking right… another side affect could be death… NBD.

The Cotton ball Diet

Mmmmmm... deeee-licious!

Wait... that kinda looks fun... just a little.
Ummm, no real explanation needed… you’re supposed to just eat cotton balls, which are apparently pretty filling. What does need to be explained are the people that actually practice this… I mean, seriously, how dumb do you have to be?

The Alcohol Diet


Back in 1087 William the Conqueror in England was embarrassed by his bulging waistline and the taunting of historic “meanie-heads” who joked that he was so fat that he was going to break his horse’s back. After all this ridicule he decided to go home and replace food with alcohol. I guess it kinda worked since he was able to get his still fat-ass back up on his horse but soon died from complications of falling off his horse… fucking ironic if you ask me. There was also a variation of this diet promoted in the 1964 book, The Drinking Man’s Diet.

The Master Cleanse Diet


Alright, who wants to live off of a tasty mix of lemonade, cayenne pepper and maple syrup? Sound appetizing… for 10 straight days? Toss some laxatives in there and have fun! Besides lacking a ton of your needed nutrients you’re likely to turn into a raging bitch of supreme crankiness. If anybody I know is planning to give this a try please warn me so I can avoid you till you’re done. I guess Beyonce used this to lose 22 pounds before filming Dream Girls but quickly gained the weight back after she started eating like a normal person again. So, it might work to help lose some weight but you’re gonna gain it all right back.

Obviously there are a lot more diets out there and everybody is gonna need to tailor their diet and workout to their life... my suggestion is choose your diet carefully if you must pick one or you could just try to eat healthy and exercise regularly... Good luck!!

1 comment:

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